I think your parents, god love them, were extremely fucked up, swinging from one side of the pendulum to the other. Both of my parents grew up during the depression and WW11, they were careful with money. They saved money. We always had enough but no extras, no fancy holidays for example. They paid for my tuition to nursing school, $700, in 1984 and that was it really, but I knew I could count on them if everything went for shit.
I was married to an emotionally abusive man who convinced me I was bad with money, and kept me on an allowance. A fucking allowance. I had three children, one severely disabled, what could I do? I got out when my youngest turned sixteen. I supported myself. Turns out I'm good with money and I can now say I'm a millionaire which sounds weird and braggy, but it's just the truth.
I also have ADHD so I can be very impulsive and was much more so when I was younger. I bought a lot of shit I didn't need, had the big house, clothes, blah, blah, blah, and still I disappointed my EX-husband.
I have a better relationship with money now, a more balanced approach which comes with age and experience. It does get better, you will get better. We don't always have to repeat our past. When we learn better, we can do better. Take care.
As you know, I’m also 53 and only now - and very very slowly - coming to the realisation that I’m not and never have been bad with money. (I just have never had enough and have always wanted to live my life anyway.) You are brilliant.
I LOVE reading about our relationships with money and this is one of the very best pieces I have ever read on the subject. I think a *lot* of readers are haunted by their own version of The Girl Who's Bad With Money, and this will help so many of us understand her better, and let her go. X
thank you for this vulnerable share Katy. recognizing patterns is a start, right? mine like to keep popping up (oh, hello, here you are again!) you know, i think its going to be okay too.
So beautifully written as always. Your writing about seeking out the deepest parts of yourself always resonates and has made me see the world and my own life differently ❤️
A couple of your comments about maths also made me wonder if you’d ever looked into dyscalculia. You may well be very on top of this with all the advocacy work you’ve done, but equally I know that looking into it may just be another expectation and thing that you are trying to let go of! (I went backwards and forwards on whether to post this, as it’s unsolicited advice, but ultimately was prompted to as it was dyscalculia day yesterday and there’s so little awareness of it - I hope that’s ok!)
I have been thinking about dyscalculia and I am fairly sure that if I were to be tested, this would be me. I am so frightened of numbers that even the thought of being tested regarding how frightening I find them makes me feel a little bit sick in my mouth, which pretty much gives a big thumbs up to that! It is absolutely ok for you to mention it. And thank you for your kind words. x
That makes total sense and you’re definitely not alone in that! The anxiety is debilitating and sometimes worse than the actual maths difficulty. I get very cross about how little support there is for people with maths anxiety in a way that would be unthinkable for dyslexia or illiteracy - would highly recommend the dyscalculia network website for practical strategies and info, for you or anyone else reading in the same boat. I’m a specialist teacher for dyscalculia and training to be an assessor at the moment, so would be happy to have a judgement-free (non-sales!) chat if you ever felt like that would be helpful.
Thank you for sharing this. It's true our earliest years are our formation years. I love the Swiss army knife analogy, of course you would have learned from the best.
I can relate to the maths thing too. I was no good at maths. Got 0% on maths tests and was in the lowest stream for maths at school. So pleased they invented calculators and then excel. It helped me qualify as an accountant 😄.
But I still get palpitations until I know the numbers match.
I once worked in the finance department of a police force and was in charge of balancing things. I had no idea what I was doing and would just tweak the numbers to fit at the bottom. Every time I read about police budgets in the news I feel like it is personally my fault and that the origin of all their fuck ups could legitimately be traced to me!
Loved this, so interesting how money stories are formed from childhood and growing up in the 80’s with most of the main breadwinners as men it became hard for me to adapt to the new norm where women were supposed to do everything
Yes. The idea that women could have it all was tricky, especially because it turned out to be a long con by the patriarchy which seemed to allow men to become more petulant and lazy!
A big cheer for you and a huge hug for the little one who is going to let all that shiz go. It’s time, you’re ready and you deserve it. Lots of love. 💫💕
I think your parents, god love them, were extremely fucked up, swinging from one side of the pendulum to the other. Both of my parents grew up during the depression and WW11, they were careful with money. They saved money. We always had enough but no extras, no fancy holidays for example. They paid for my tuition to nursing school, $700, in 1984 and that was it really, but I knew I could count on them if everything went for shit.
I was married to an emotionally abusive man who convinced me I was bad with money, and kept me on an allowance. A fucking allowance. I had three children, one severely disabled, what could I do? I got out when my youngest turned sixteen. I supported myself. Turns out I'm good with money and I can now say I'm a millionaire which sounds weird and braggy, but it's just the truth.
I also have ADHD so I can be very impulsive and was much more so when I was younger. I bought a lot of shit I didn't need, had the big house, clothes, blah, blah, blah, and still I disappointed my EX-husband.
I have a better relationship with money now, a more balanced approach which comes with age and experience. It does get better, you will get better. We don't always have to repeat our past. When we learn better, we can do better. Take care.
I was cheering you on as I read this. Good for you. Thank you. x
As you know, I’m also 53 and only now - and very very slowly - coming to the realisation that I’m not and never have been bad with money. (I just have never had enough and have always wanted to live my life anyway.) You are brilliant.
If it wasn't for you and the Ladybird Purse I wouldn't be half so brilliant. Love you. x
I LOVE reading about our relationships with money and this is one of the very best pieces I have ever read on the subject. I think a *lot* of readers are haunted by their own version of The Girl Who's Bad With Money, and this will help so many of us understand her better, and let her go. X
Hooray. Let's release her into the wild! xx
thank you for this vulnerable share Katy. recognizing patterns is a start, right? mine like to keep popping up (oh, hello, here you are again!) you know, i think its going to be okay too.
Like whack a mole! definitely. x
So beautifully written as always. Your writing about seeking out the deepest parts of yourself always resonates and has made me see the world and my own life differently ❤️
A couple of your comments about maths also made me wonder if you’d ever looked into dyscalculia. You may well be very on top of this with all the advocacy work you’ve done, but equally I know that looking into it may just be another expectation and thing that you are trying to let go of! (I went backwards and forwards on whether to post this, as it’s unsolicited advice, but ultimately was prompted to as it was dyscalculia day yesterday and there’s so little awareness of it - I hope that’s ok!)
I have been thinking about dyscalculia and I am fairly sure that if I were to be tested, this would be me. I am so frightened of numbers that even the thought of being tested regarding how frightening I find them makes me feel a little bit sick in my mouth, which pretty much gives a big thumbs up to that! It is absolutely ok for you to mention it. And thank you for your kind words. x
That makes total sense and you’re definitely not alone in that! The anxiety is debilitating and sometimes worse than the actual maths difficulty. I get very cross about how little support there is for people with maths anxiety in a way that would be unthinkable for dyslexia or illiteracy - would highly recommend the dyscalculia network website for practical strategies and info, for you or anyone else reading in the same boat. I’m a specialist teacher for dyscalculia and training to be an assessor at the moment, so would be happy to have a judgement-free (non-sales!) chat if you ever felt like that would be helpful.
Thank you. That means a lot. I will definitely consider it. Which is not a no! xx
Of course - no pressure 😊
Thank you for sharing this. It's true our earliest years are our formation years. I love the Swiss army knife analogy, of course you would have learned from the best.
I can relate to the maths thing too. I was no good at maths. Got 0% on maths tests and was in the lowest stream for maths at school. So pleased they invented calculators and then excel. It helped me qualify as an accountant 😄.
But I still get palpitations until I know the numbers match.
I once worked in the finance department of a police force and was in charge of balancing things. I had no idea what I was doing and would just tweak the numbers to fit at the bottom. Every time I read about police budgets in the news I feel like it is personally my fault and that the origin of all their fuck ups could legitimately be traced to me!
That's really funny. I so know how you feel!
Loved this, so interesting how money stories are formed from childhood and growing up in the 80’s with most of the main breadwinners as men it became hard for me to adapt to the new norm where women were supposed to do everything
Yes. The idea that women could have it all was tricky, especially because it turned out to be a long con by the patriarchy which seemed to allow men to become more petulant and lazy!
This was a brilliant read. Truly resonated with me. Thank you! ☺️
Thank you for reading x
I absolutely needed to read this. It was powerful, thank you for writing it all out there!
Thank you. xx
profound and moving Katy. I relate to this hugely. Sending love 💗
and to you. xx
A big cheer for you and a huge hug for the little one who is going to let all that shiz go. It’s time, you’re ready and you deserve it. Lots of love. 💫💕
Thank you. And love to you, too. x