I started this piece of writing so many times today. I have opened and closed Substack so often there has been a draught. No drafts. Just start and delete. Go away. Come back. Start and delete. Go away. Go away. Two, pivotal words that seem central to what I’m trying to get to actually. Which is hard to do when there is a lot of away from rather than towards energy in those words. I think I am simultaneously trying to pin something down whilst removing myself from its vicinity. At this point I am oscillating wildly. It is using a lot of energy and I am going nowhere. I look like I’m having a fit. I feel like I’m having a fit.
To quote Maria from Coronation Street last night, this is just now, it won't last. Most people can't face this stuff, you have done it and then some. Bravo to you. How will you celebrate when this has been completed? xx
My "unbearable thing" was caregiving for my mother. I knew it was not a permanent thing, but every day was excruciating in some subtle way and it just got less subtle and more obvious.
I knew it would end some day, but I didn't know when - and then it did end, with mom going first to the hospital, then to a skilled nursing facility where she wound up becoming a resident. I found myself suddenly on the Other Side, and I could take deep breaths, and weights upon weights lifted from my shoulders.
Hang in there. All of you will get to that Other Side. It's so painful at times because we get tucked deep into our Comfort Zones and lose our ability to adapt to shitstorms to a certain extent. Not to say destroying the Comfort Zone is the answer, but we can live a little closer to our growth edges, perhaps.
You will find your point of stability. It's just a fine balance at the moment and hard to get it just so, but that base will broaden and it wont tip so wildly.
I currently have visions of your inner child, looking suspiciously like Little My, laughing maniacly with a petrol can and a zippo in hand in the process of burning your "inner house" to the ground.
To quote Maria from Coronation Street last night, this is just now, it won't last. Most people can't face this stuff, you have done it and then some. Bravo to you. How will you celebrate when this has been completed? xx
This thing that seems to never end sounds extremely challenging. I hope it ends soon, the petty tyrants go away, and you can get some relief.
I hear you. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I appreciate the company while I wade through this liminal space x
I so hear you. ❤
My "unbearable thing" was caregiving for my mother. I knew it was not a permanent thing, but every day was excruciating in some subtle way and it just got less subtle and more obvious.
I knew it would end some day, but I didn't know when - and then it did end, with mom going first to the hospital, then to a skilled nursing facility where she wound up becoming a resident. I found myself suddenly on the Other Side, and I could take deep breaths, and weights upon weights lifted from my shoulders.
Hang in there. All of you will get to that Other Side. It's so painful at times because we get tucked deep into our Comfort Zones and lose our ability to adapt to shitstorms to a certain extent. Not to say destroying the Comfort Zone is the answer, but we can live a little closer to our growth edges, perhaps.
You will find your point of stability. It's just a fine balance at the moment and hard to get it just so, but that base will broaden and it wont tip so wildly.
I currently have visions of your inner child, looking suspiciously like Little My, laughing maniacly with a petrol can and a zippo in hand in the process of burning your "inner house" to the ground.
I refer you to my lottery list!!!! if all else fails. Working on it xxxxxxx