I exist in a huge tangle of feelings at the moment. All of them vying for attention. Most of them have been squashed by me for so long, too long. Now I am all over the shop, trying to process what comes up and make sense of it, so I can decide what to do about it. My ex-husband who is/was in the guru line, has always been a firm believer in it being entirely unnecessary to know where your feelings or problems are coming from. You just need to deal with them.
Katy I'm replying to 2 of your posts, as I'm new to substack . I was nudged this way by my very wise daughter. I wanted to say one I have never read such an accurate description of both , what it is like to be a parent of a teenagers. But also how it feels being there through traumatic and tough times. I am just coming out of a long period of those times. Like you put so beautifully. I am trying to find the path to myself. I to have always been praised for being thin and so that was my thing . I to have only recently just changed my approah to exercise from crazy Davina style on speed, to slow and steady and tea biscuits. Go for that swim honey and float in the sunshine. Writing was something I liked many many years ago and you have got me doing it again. By making me want to write a comment. Thank you.xxx
"I am attempting to find ways to do what I like and what feels good without turning those things into sticks to beat myself with."
This is incredible! Thank you! Why do we feel like doing what is good for us should be miserable? Why can't we enjoy the things that are good for us, or recognize that the joy is what matters not the thing, and therefore we should be focusing on our joy and the 'good for us' will follow!
Hey Katy. Was it intentional for these two sentences to sort of bounce off and along with each other? Because they do, and make for quite a reading experience.
"I had a massage a few days ago, and it was the most painful thing I have experienced for fun in my life. I felt like I was being played like a xylophone."
"I am attempting to find ways to do what I like and what feels good without turning those things into sticks to beat myself with."
So relatable to so many of us. Oh man, swimwear. Underwear. Bras. Thank you for writing about this. Our ideas about exercise have gotten messed up. Near as I can tell, all we actually have to do is walk. Maybe some sit ups to deal with lower back pain. But basically spend time not-sitting. You don’t need memberships… special clothes… special equipment… hmmm… it’s almost like you don’t need to spend money on it. Enjoy your floating- even imagining it feels good 😊
Fortunately, I’ve found my therapist very sensible and understandingi about exercise. My issue is that I’m a nearly-65 year old recovering from cancer, he’s a 70 year old born again marathon runner, and if I had a pound for every time I’ve told him no, Parkrun is lovely but not the answer to my particular problems as the thought of interacting with hundreds of smiley happy people first thing on a Saturday morning is my idea of a bad time. I’m here via Katherine May and I don’t. know your backstory but it sounds like you just need a bit of time to figure out who you really are after a difficult time. I wish you well. Find one thing, physically, that makes you happy, and do that. Not too much. And avoid Instagram - the constant stream of Exercise for Seniors apps is very unhelpful.
I absolutely agree that swimwear is a nightmare. I always just want something that actually covers and doesn't start shifting into uncomfortable places when I move. I may have to face it again soon and I am encouraged by your get it and go approach. Thank you!
The swimsuit thing. Totally. Good swimwear that isn't high this, low that, no support and exposed bum cheeks, is hard to find. Very good swimwear is expensive. I finally found a swimming costume that I could bear to wear last year from Deakin and Blue - I had to actually save up for it, but I do look ok in it, and it fits and it's flattering! Plus I got it online so no struggling in shops. You may faint at the prices, but blimey are they a good fit for a lumpy, bumpy bod. https://www.deakinandblue.com/collections/swimsuits
i hope you have a lovely holiday and find water to hold you.
and i get the swimsuit thing. loath trying on swim wear. i finally found a style i can order online that works and god help me (or the manufacturer) if it every goes away!
I relate to so much of what you’ve shared here. I loath exercise, I hate buying swimwear and underwear, and I’m the size of two people. I can’t bear mirrors so I don’t have any at home, only the one in the bathroom for my face. Oh the shame, the shame. I dread to think how much money I’ve spent on weight loss over the years. Tomorrow I’m off on another venture to curb my eating. Fingers crossed.
Love this post. I am 50 in a few weeks, and my mental health and physical health have been way down the list of priorities in recent years, as a single mum who works full-time. I'm re-evaluating everything at the moment. I feel like you; a huge tangle of feelings. When I was in my teens and 20's I was one of those annoying people who could eat whatever I liked and put on no weight, I was tall with long legs. Well, that soon caught up with me! I love walking, and in the summer swimming, but last year I joined a fitness class called Clubbercise, which is absolutely cheesy but I completely love it. The instructor is an absolute gem. She makes the focus on having fun and women connecting, rather than 'fitness' and losing weight. She's 51 and makes us all laugh when halfway through a routine she shouts 'Girls, my menopausal brain made me forget the next move... what is it!!??' and 'Hope you don't pee your pants like I do!'. It's so much fun and completely life-affirming.
I have to say I have given up on swimsuits entirely and if swim attire is required, wear board shorts and a tankini top/rash vest and am far more comfortable than I ever was in a Cossie. 😊❤️
Katy I'm replying to 2 of your posts, as I'm new to substack . I was nudged this way by my very wise daughter. I wanted to say one I have never read such an accurate description of both , what it is like to be a parent of a teenagers. But also how it feels being there through traumatic and tough times. I am just coming out of a long period of those times. Like you put so beautifully. I am trying to find the path to myself. I to have always been praised for being thin and so that was my thing . I to have only recently just changed my approah to exercise from crazy Davina style on speed, to slow and steady and tea biscuits. Go for that swim honey and float in the sunshine. Writing was something I liked many many years ago and you have got me doing it again. By making me want to write a comment. Thank you.xxx
Just want to send you a big hug (from my new body to your new body). Swimwear is SO hard right now. Have a wonderful holiday!
"I am attempting to find ways to do what I like and what feels good without turning those things into sticks to beat myself with."
This is incredible! Thank you! Why do we feel like doing what is good for us should be miserable? Why can't we enjoy the things that are good for us, or recognize that the joy is what matters not the thing, and therefore we should be focusing on our joy and the 'good for us' will follow!
Hey Katy. Was it intentional for these two sentences to sort of bounce off and along with each other? Because they do, and make for quite a reading experience.
"I had a massage a few days ago, and it was the most painful thing I have experienced for fun in my life. I felt like I was being played like a xylophone."
"I am attempting to find ways to do what I like and what feels good without turning those things into sticks to beat myself with."
So relatable to so many of us. Oh man, swimwear. Underwear. Bras. Thank you for writing about this. Our ideas about exercise have gotten messed up. Near as I can tell, all we actually have to do is walk. Maybe some sit ups to deal with lower back pain. But basically spend time not-sitting. You don’t need memberships… special clothes… special equipment… hmmm… it’s almost like you don’t need to spend money on it. Enjoy your floating- even imagining it feels good 😊
Fortunately, I’ve found my therapist very sensible and understandingi about exercise. My issue is that I’m a nearly-65 year old recovering from cancer, he’s a 70 year old born again marathon runner, and if I had a pound for every time I’ve told him no, Parkrun is lovely but not the answer to my particular problems as the thought of interacting with hundreds of smiley happy people first thing on a Saturday morning is my idea of a bad time. I’m here via Katherine May and I don’t. know your backstory but it sounds like you just need a bit of time to figure out who you really are after a difficult time. I wish you well. Find one thing, physically, that makes you happy, and do that. Not too much. And avoid Instagram - the constant stream of Exercise for Seniors apps is very unhelpful.
Hope you have a WONDERFUL holiday 🌊
I absolutely agree that swimwear is a nightmare. I always just want something that actually covers and doesn't start shifting into uncomfortable places when I move. I may have to face it again soon and I am encouraged by your get it and go approach. Thank you!
Absolutely with you on depression and exercise. ❤️
The swimsuit thing. Totally. Good swimwear that isn't high this, low that, no support and exposed bum cheeks, is hard to find. Very good swimwear is expensive. I finally found a swimming costume that I could bear to wear last year from Deakin and Blue - I had to actually save up for it, but I do look ok in it, and it fits and it's flattering! Plus I got it online so no struggling in shops. You may faint at the prices, but blimey are they a good fit for a lumpy, bumpy bod. https://www.deakinandblue.com/collections/swimsuits
i hope you have a lovely holiday and find water to hold you.
and i get the swimsuit thing. loath trying on swim wear. i finally found a style i can order online that works and god help me (or the manufacturer) if it every goes away!
In the same "my body has changed so I need a new swimsuit but..." boat. In my case, it's "but the bills come first."
And I will say, all mermaids are happiest when they are in the water. Perhaps you've been landlocked for too long, dear mermaid. ❤
I relate to so much of what you’ve shared here. I loath exercise, I hate buying swimwear and underwear, and I’m the size of two people. I can’t bear mirrors so I don’t have any at home, only the one in the bathroom for my face. Oh the shame, the shame. I dread to think how much money I’ve spent on weight loss over the years. Tomorrow I’m off on another venture to curb my eating. Fingers crossed.
Love this post. I am 50 in a few weeks, and my mental health and physical health have been way down the list of priorities in recent years, as a single mum who works full-time. I'm re-evaluating everything at the moment. I feel like you; a huge tangle of feelings. When I was in my teens and 20's I was one of those annoying people who could eat whatever I liked and put on no weight, I was tall with long legs. Well, that soon caught up with me! I love walking, and in the summer swimming, but last year I joined a fitness class called Clubbercise, which is absolutely cheesy but I completely love it. The instructor is an absolute gem. She makes the focus on having fun and women connecting, rather than 'fitness' and losing weight. She's 51 and makes us all laugh when halfway through a routine she shouts 'Girls, my menopausal brain made me forget the next move... what is it!!??' and 'Hope you don't pee your pants like I do!'. It's so much fun and completely life-affirming.
I have to say I have given up on swimsuits entirely and if swim attire is required, wear board shorts and a tankini top/rash vest and am far more comfortable than I ever was in a Cossie. 😊❤️