These are wonderful thoughts to wake up to this morning. I have felt the same struggles as an artist, mother and worker bee. Thanks for the connection.
Thank you so much for this newsletter. Wow. I relate to it in so many ways. I have the stored tension, my body keeps the score from old, painful emotional wounds.
My migraines are coming back as I hopefully finish up what has been about 20 years of hot flashes. Peri-menopause? Menopause? Who knows which one I have been going through. The hot flashes are driving me bonkers for 20 years. They started going away last year but they are back with a vengeance. 🙄
A doctor put me on hormones to help and it made it far worse!
Art. In kindergarten, I told my mum that when I grew up, I wanted to be an artist. She immediately replied: “there is no money in it.” My talent got squashed by mostly me after that point.
School. Bah. College. Hated it. After college, I needed an inexpensive hobby so I got some paper and watercolors. I discovered my art again.
I am trying to discover it again, now, after letting it mostly lapse for the last 22 years as I was just being a mom as best I could.
I don’t know if I am rambling, but I feel a kindred spirit to your newsletter here and wanted to share how.
Growing old is definitely not for the young, or the faint hearted! My hot flushes have come back too. I've noticed that they come for me at moments of heightened emotion and sometimes after I've done something intensely emotionally scary which has changed me, provoked the narrative I've been holding inside and allowed something to release. I think it runs a strange kind of parallel with the migraines. I hope you find your way through all these challenges to yourself. xx
My 3- 4 am hot flushes post menopause - always put this down to anxiety; a couple of episodes this week makes me wonder if it was actually the late night junk snacks that often went hand in hand with the low patches.
Thank you! I can’t predict mine. But I do know that if I go to bed cold or freezing and get to start feeling warmer, it triggers a horrible hot flash that hurts my nerves in my left leg. It feels like it’s on fire. (I just started taking Nervive; hope it helps!)
I have to throw off the covers and wait. And then start over again when I get cold.
I am tired of this. Thank you for the well wishes. 🧡 I wish them to you too!
You have been rummaging in my brain again. Thank you for your words. I’m presently doing a crap job for a month to gather a bit of cash. You have given me permission to do some sticking and glueing when it ends.
Again I thank you, beautiful words capturing so much that resonates for me. “Surfeit of mothering”, yes yes yes I’ve been exploring parental burnout as a consequence of my own excessive mothering. Love your bravery and vulnerability in this space. Gives me courage for my own heroines journey.
“The answer to that question is that the point of me is to find a way to be the best me I can be, for me and nobody else.”
Truth! And yet it’s so hard to be me for just me. Women have been taught they have to be their best for other people. My mother-in-law once told me that her husband (who died before I met my husband) felt that men were more important than women. That’s infuriating. So we fit ourselves into the mold of mother or wife and tamp down OUR OWN SELVES!
Thank you for sharing your experience. A lot of it resonates with me.
Yes! So much of what you say. That idea that we owe people our servitude and our gratitude for serving them. The guilt at feeling resentful for sublimating ourselves is real. xx
chills reading this. and that last line--yes to joy and bird bones. i feel so honored that you share your story with us.
i have had migraines all my life (though not with the intensity of yours) and when i reframed them as gifts to slow me down in the last couple of years, they became companions not enemies. and, ha, whenever i treat myself to a massage, i am told how tight my shoulders and neck are, so your "hunch" reference really resonated. sigh.
Oh yes. I have been working on relaxing my neck and shoulders but there is a lot of cricking and cracking going on. I like the idea of companions not enemies. x
The penultimate paragraph is priceless; choosing you and saying YES to you regardless of all else is the biggest gift you can give yourself and everyone else that cares about you. Very very powerful.
Oooff. Like all your writing Katy, this resonates so much. The question I have been asking myself for so long. What is the point of me? I don’t know if I’m any closer to an answer yet but I so love reading yours. Thank you.
These are wonderful thoughts to wake up to this morning. I have felt the same struggles as an artist, mother and worker bee. Thanks for the connection.
Thank you, and solidarity to you. xx
Thank you so much for this newsletter. Wow. I relate to it in so many ways. I have the stored tension, my body keeps the score from old, painful emotional wounds.
My migraines are coming back as I hopefully finish up what has been about 20 years of hot flashes. Peri-menopause? Menopause? Who knows which one I have been going through. The hot flashes are driving me bonkers for 20 years. They started going away last year but they are back with a vengeance. 🙄
A doctor put me on hormones to help and it made it far worse!
Art. In kindergarten, I told my mum that when I grew up, I wanted to be an artist. She immediately replied: “there is no money in it.” My talent got squashed by mostly me after that point.
School. Bah. College. Hated it. After college, I needed an inexpensive hobby so I got some paper and watercolors. I discovered my art again.
I am trying to discover it again, now, after letting it mostly lapse for the last 22 years as I was just being a mom as best I could.
I don’t know if I am rambling, but I feel a kindred spirit to your newsletter here and wanted to share how.
Growing old isn’t for the young!
Growing old is definitely not for the young, or the faint hearted! My hot flushes have come back too. I've noticed that they come for me at moments of heightened emotion and sometimes after I've done something intensely emotionally scary which has changed me, provoked the narrative I've been holding inside and allowed something to release. I think it runs a strange kind of parallel with the migraines. I hope you find your way through all these challenges to yourself. xx
My 3- 4 am hot flushes post menopause - always put this down to anxiety; a couple of episodes this week makes me wonder if it was actually the late night junk snacks that often went hand in hand with the low patches.
Thank you! I can’t predict mine. But I do know that if I go to bed cold or freezing and get to start feeling warmer, it triggers a horrible hot flash that hurts my nerves in my left leg. It feels like it’s on fire. (I just started taking Nervive; hope it helps!)
I have to throw off the covers and wait. And then start over again when I get cold.
I am tired of this. Thank you for the well wishes. 🧡 I wish them to you too!
You have been rummaging in my brain again. Thank you for your words. I’m presently doing a crap job for a month to gather a bit of cash. You have given me permission to do some sticking and glueing when it ends.
I hope it's over now and things are nicer and gluier. xx
I’d love to talk to you one day…
Hello! I just saw this because I am rubbish at following up. Yes. yes. yes. Let's do it. xx
Again I thank you, beautiful words capturing so much that resonates for me. “Surfeit of mothering”, yes yes yes I’ve been exploring parental burnout as a consequence of my own excessive mothering. Love your bravery and vulnerability in this space. Gives me courage for my own heroines journey.
Good luck. xx
“The answer to that question is that the point of me is to find a way to be the best me I can be, for me and nobody else.”
Truth! And yet it’s so hard to be me for just me. Women have been taught they have to be their best for other people. My mother-in-law once told me that her husband (who died before I met my husband) felt that men were more important than women. That’s infuriating. So we fit ourselves into the mold of mother or wife and tamp down OUR OWN SELVES!
Thank you for sharing your experience. A lot of it resonates with me.
Yes! So much of what you say. That idea that we owe people our servitude and our gratitude for serving them. The guilt at feeling resentful for sublimating ourselves is real. xx
chills reading this. and that last line--yes to joy and bird bones. i feel so honored that you share your story with us.
i have had migraines all my life (though not with the intensity of yours) and when i reframed them as gifts to slow me down in the last couple of years, they became companions not enemies. and, ha, whenever i treat myself to a massage, i am told how tight my shoulders and neck are, so your "hunch" reference really resonated. sigh.
Oh yes. I have been working on relaxing my neck and shoulders but there is a lot of cricking and cracking going on. I like the idea of companions not enemies. x
The penultimate paragraph is priceless; choosing you and saying YES to you regardless of all else is the biggest gift you can give yourself and everyone else that cares about you. Very very powerful.
xx
It's good to read this. It's good that you could write it.
xx
Oooff. Like all your writing Katy, this resonates so much. The question I have been asking myself for so long. What is the point of me? I don’t know if I’m any closer to an answer yet but I so love reading yours. Thank you.
I hope you find it. xx