The Tower Falls

I used to read tarot cards for a living, way back when.

I kind of fell into it. Someone I knew bought some. I knew more than they did about how to read them. I demonstrated how to use them. Shortly after that my head sort of fell off and rolled behind the sofa. It turned out that I can read cards in a way that not everyone else can.

I stopped doing it for all kinds of reasons, many of which were related to people being extremely peopley. I don’t talk about it much, for similar reasons.

It would all be fine if people who wanted you to read their cards just came and asked you to read them, gave you some money and then went away again, but that rarely happens.

People have opinions, you see.

I have been shouted at repeatedly for charging for carrier bags in a job that requires me to charge for carrier bags by people who are firmly of the opinion that I am in the wrong. You can only imagine the kind of opinions people have about tarot cards.

There are that special gang of people who think that they are both a) dangerous and b) don’t work. There are the people who think you’re a cross between Derren Brown and Lucifer, who spend all their time refusing to look you in the eye in case you cast them into hell whilst also making them impersonate chickens. There are the people who make jokes about the lottery. Oh, so many people.

Then there are the people whose eyes light up with zeal and who immediately want you to tell them about their love lives and what colour pants to wear on any given day.

Lots of people want their cards read. Lots of people don’t want to pay. They’re outraged if you charge fairly. If they do pay they believe they own you body and soul. If you can’t predict the winner of the 2.45 at Kempton, they want their money back. It’s a lot.

In a nutshell:

I don’t know how they work. I don’t know why I can read them the way I do. I don’t really need them, if truth be told. I can and have read beer mats before just to see if I could. I don’t believe they predict the future the way you think they do. The future is very unpredictable. I don’t believe that they remove your free will. I believe they can help you get a handle on certain situations and separate some of the noise in a muddled mind into coherent thoughts.

No, I can’t read my own cards. It’s a bit like trying to look at your own chin without the help of a mirror.

I think about the cards a lot in certain situations though. The symbolism of the cards was developed to cover most human eventualities. They can be helpful as a narrative thread to hang on to when life gets messy.

As you know, my life right now is messy. Messy and scary.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Tower card. It usually depicts a tower, surprisingly. The card shows the tower under attack. Often it is being struck by lightning. There is a considerable amount of weather. The tower is about to fall, taking everyone inside with it. It’s scary shit. Chaos reigns and it comes from all sides. People who are under the influence of the Tower are generally overwhelmed and pretty desperate. It’s hard to think rationally when your world is falling around your ears.

People who are going through this are usually pretty clued up about what’s happening. It’s usually unavoidable. The events that lead to the tower toppling are in train and difficult to influence for all kinds of reasons. So what use is a card that tells you what you already know and can’t necessarily change?

Because people going through this need to be reminded that it isn’t the end, even though it feels like it at the time.

Very often we build our own tower. We do it, usually, for the very best of reasons. We do it to protect ourselves. We do it to keep our family safe. We do it because at the time we are building it we think it is something strong and safe that will keep danger out.

Sometimes we are so busy building our tower that we forget to look out and see that the danger has passed and that our tower is obsolete in this new landscape. Sometimes we build our tower with faulty materials. Maybe it was all we had to hand at the time. Maybe we didn’t know any better when we built it, but now things are different. Maybe that kind of tower is more of a danger to us standing than it would be if we knocked it down and started building a new, better structure for ourselves. Except maybe we have spent so long in the tower we are not even aware that it’s become a prison and even if we were, we don’t have the tools to knock it down ourselves.

The tower reminds us that sometimes we need to be set free from things which once served us but which no longer do and we cannot begin again until all the remnants of our old existence are removed. It reminds us that even in destruction, the seeds of change and new life are already there, like plants growing in the wake of a forest fire. They just needed a bit of space and sunlight to find their feet.

Maybe I do, too.