The Hot Ticket - Definitely, Maybe?

Let's Talk About Oasis - Everyone Else Is, After All

You would have to be buried in a lead lined vault in the bottom of the Mariana Trench not to know that pop’s most feral brothers, the Gallaghers, are getting the band back together. Yes, you heard it here for the 4,569th time. Oasis are reforming and are going on tour. Tickets will sell out in a nano-second and the backlash from the people who didn’t get one will be worse than the yearly grinching about how Glastonbury’s a big corporate sell out now anyway, and people who got tickets are just sad losers etc.

The Oasis backlash has already started. I can do no better than point you towards Russell Kane’s Instagram reel where he acts out the conflict between the die hard fans and the new kids on the block. I am obsessed by the line about having to eat ketamine out of a tambourine.

I find myself quite conflicted about all this. I loved Oasis back in the day. I remember the week I bought Definitely Maybe and Pulp’s His ‘n’ Hers in 1994 and got that feeling in my bones that music had changed for the better, forever. I played them constantly. What’s The Story, Morning Glory? was the album of 1995. My then husband and I took it on our honeymoon and it always reminds me less of the rain drenched streets of Manchester and more of eating pasta in the shadow of the Duomo in Florence. Oasis provided the soundtrack not just of Britpop, but of a particularly wild few years of my life that I look back on with fond amazement.

Having said all that, I am in no particular hurry to bag myself a ticket for this hoopla, which is probably a good thing. My husband announced today that his bank sent him an email saying that because of the type of account he has, they are in a position to offer access to priority booking and ‘special’ tickets to see Oasis at Wembley next year. I was only half listening when he said it, but fully alert when he started on the ‘competitively priced’ offers.

For a mere £1,600 each, we can have padded seats and access to a better class of food and drink, which we still have to pay extra for. For a staggering £2,200 each we will get food and drink thrown in and slightly better seats. For that money I’d want Liam Gallagher to come out in a t-shirt that says: ‘Original Shaker Maker’ and pour me a bespoke cocktail called ‘Our Kid’ and offer me ketamine out of a tambourine.

Whenever I think about Oasis these days, it isn't in terms of their iconic musical status and wishing that the band would get back together. It’s more that I wish they would do a series for telly. Noel gave Half The World Away to Caroline Aherne for the genius Royle Family, so it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch. But I can’t help thinking that Liam would be fantastic as one of Frank Gallagher’s relatives in Shameless. If Liam had had a harder life, the resemblance would be pronounced.

‘Let’s ‘ave a PARTEHHH!’ is a line that Liam was born to say.

They even share the same surname. Why hasn’t someone made this mash up happen? It’s what we all need.

I will leave you with my favourite ever quote about Liam, from his loving brother, Noel. It lives rent free in my head but that’s fine because I never, ever want to kick it out.

“He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.””

If they put that on a t-shirt, I’d buy it.