Mr. Snoots

helo

mi name is Mr. Snoots and I ar a fox

Foxes ar the best creechurs ever inventid.

wuns upon a time I wos just a smol fox what is corled a kub. I liffed with mi relayshuns in a car park in Lestah. In uther playses if u lif in a car park that can mean u ar rubbish but if u lif in Lestah u can lif in a car park and be a king, wot is an important person who wares a crown and showts things like ‘ware is mi dinnah? chop chop’. Foxes don’t hav kings becos we ar alwas argyewin and showtin and nipping taylz. u can sa chop chop as much as u wont when u are a fox but nobodee is listenin so it mayk no diffrns aneway.

wun da I got stuk in a delyshus bin. I ate and ate all the snaks and mi tummee got big and rownd like a baloown. Wen I escaypd all the other foxes had run awa and the hewmans had com. I wos kwite skared but I got sayved by a laydey who sumtimes liffed in a bukk shop. She tuk me to the bukk shop and mayd me a den unda the pengwin klassix and she sed ‘yor name is Mr. Snoots and now u lif heyah. I will feed u snaks and teech u to reed bukks and rite yor naym and mabe wun da u wil be the first fox to rite a bukk with ur own paws.’

I wos lukee that peepul in Lestah lyk foxes so much. They hav a futbal teem where al the playas ar foxes. The bigest fox, who my frend who I lif with now says is as big as Garee Barlow’s sun, is corled Filbert. He is in gole, becus he just fils it all up and there is no room for the bal to get in. I do not understand Garee Barlow but mi frend sez it is funee Mr. Snoots. Wot is funee abowt Garee Barlow I sed. She sed she will explayn it layter.

I likd livin in the bukk shop. The snaks wer delyshus and storees are jus liyk snaks for ur hed. I wos ful up all the tym and I nevah got stuk in a bin. Sumtymes I did get stuk in otha playses tho. I wuns got stuk in a sweetee jar and then I wos sik on mi fur a bit.

I lurnd to reed and rite at the bukk shop. I lurnd that pengwin klassix ar not abowt pengwins, witch mayd me sad becos I wonted to reed abowt slidin on mi tummee down a big ice kyewb. I also lurnd to do parrashootin of the balkonee wot I didunt lurn from a bukk. That just caym natchuralee to mi. I am a fox of menny talents.

When the laydey who reskewd me sed she had to leave the bukk shop I wos sad and then I wos sik on mi fur even tho I didunt eat to many snaks. She sed I am gowin to a plas corled Lundun Mr. Snoots. I am gowin to lif on a bowt. Do u want to com with me and lif on a bowt? She showd me sum pikshurs of bowts so I cud understand it in my fox brayn. She sed, I think u will lyk it Mr. Snoots. U ar a fox of adventchur.

So now I lif on a bowt in Lundun with my frend. Ther is stil lots of bukks becos she tuk mowst of the bukk shop with her wen she sed gudbi to the shop. Ther is stil lots of snaks becos she luvs snaks lyk mi eksept she nevah got stuk in a bin. Not yet she sez ha ha. Ther is stil tym.

I am the onlee fox heyah in this bowt car park wot is corled a mareenah. Ther is lots of cats wot ar a kind of sillee fox with no tayul to speek of. Ther is sum dogs witch are even wurs kind of foxes who cri al the tym wuffell wuffell wuffell and carnt even do a wi on their own. Ther ar lots of burds wot just honk and parp abowt and eet horrybul green stuf in the warter. I am the best anymul on the mareenah by fa.

I am goin to rite mi bukk on heeyah. Mi frend sez it is tym Mr. Snoots to stop messin abowt and put ur paws to gud use. It wil stop u gettin into trubble. I sed do u reely think so and she sed no I dont to bi onest but we must tri owr best becos utherwiz we mite get kikked of the mareenah. So I am ritin sum storees to fil up yor heds and keep mi bizee owkay?

pee ess - u sa mi name Miss taa Snoootz owkay? I thort it was a noyz lyk this ‘mrrrrrrrrrr’ a bit lyk a traktur but it iz not.